connecting with my autistic son and developing the love I thought would never happen

There is nothing that I have wanted more than to feel loved by my 8-year-old son. Unfortunately, he just didn’t want to love me and nothing I tried made any difference. I was on the verge of accepting that we would never have a loving relationship when everything changed.

For years we have struggled to connect as love is something he measures and he routinely told me that he didn't love me. He loved his Dad, but not me. It hurt, and I feared that we would never have a bond. Even worse, he wanted nothing to do with me and insisted that I didn’t go near him or do anything for him. If I brushed past him, he would physically recoil and try to brush off my touch.

I was an unwanted presence in the house. The person he wanted to come into the house via the back door, so he knew to be excited when Dad got home. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do anything right and I couldn't win him over. Everything that went wrong was my fault, and the praise for anything that I did right was attributed to Dad.

We were always at odds with each other, and I would routinely end up shouting at him in frustration when he refused to listen to me. I sometimes wondered if it would be better if I wasn't in the house, as I worried that my own behaviour was having a negative effect on my kids. Parenting was anything but a positive experience and the lack of love was not bringing out the best in me. I was an angry parent, and my guilt about not having a bond with my son was all consuming. What kind of mum doesn't connect with their son?

Then we found Pokemon. Or to be more accurate, I found Pokemon.
when the uncertainty of holidays for my autistic son threatens to spoil the fun


EuroDisney. The place of childhood dreams,  and the destination for our next family holiday. With just over a week to go, I should be excited. The problem is that I can't stop thinking about our last holiday, and wonder if we are destined to face the same struggles this year.

Our last holiday promised to be a great family break. We found a good deal at a hotel in Banff in Canada. It looked like a castle and the family were excited about the prospect of skiing. We had prepared the children for what to expect and made sure that we took plenty of their favourite toys to play with while we were out there for the week.Unfortunately, the trip was memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Powered by Blogger.
Back to Top